I've never lost a parent before, so I am new to this. I have what I'd call "good" days and "bad" days. What distinguishes one from the other right now is not whether I cry or not (crying, it seems, happens almost everyday) No, what distinguishes "good" from "bad" is the actual physical pain of grief. I remember this hurt from when I lost my sister a few years ago. I was surprised then, as I am now, by how much losing someone you love --- hurts. I am sure that time will lessen the pain I'm feeling now --- it did with my sister. I know it doesn't go away entirely, it just gets easier to live with. But right now I'm smack dab in the middle of grieving and it hurts --- bad.
Below is a poem I wrote and shared at my father's funeral. He always told me "Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite," and "See ya' later alligator" at bed time when I was little. When he moved here this spring, he started saying it to my little chicklets too. Bedtime will never be the same without it.
i'm not ready to say goodbye.
not so long or see ya later alligator.
i'm not ready for life without you in it.
i always believed that you were indestructible.
that there was nothing you couldn't fix.
it isn't fair.
a girl needs her daddy.
to hold her hand.
to keep her safe from the boogeyman.
to hug her tight.
i know I shouldn't be selfish.
but I can't help it.
my faith tells me you are in a better place,
but my heart will always want you here with me.
i love you, daddy.
sleep tight ... don't let the bed bugs bite.