Thursday, October 18, 2012

a reminder

I recently read this quote and felt was just the gentle reminder I needed today.  

"Sometimes when we get overwhelmed, we forget how big God is."
The story behind the picture:   I took this picture (with my phone) the day before my father passed away.  It was a sunny evening --- no rain had fallen or was falling.  We had spent the day at the hospital and knew that very soon God would be taking my father home to heaven.  As we arrived home from the hospital this rainbow (actually a double rainbow but it doesn't show up well) appeared right by my house. I have never seen a rainbow as bright as this.   My mother and I can't help but feel it was a gift from God reminding us of His love for us and letting us know we were not facing our troubles alone. 

Monday, October 15, 2012

sleep tight, Daddy

My father passed away recently.  When I tell people this, I am often immediately asked, "was it expected?"  Daddy was 88 and had recently told me, "Don't by me anymore green bananas, I can't plan that far in advance." (ever wonder where i get my sense of humor?), but we didn't think we'd lose him so soon.  He had a lot of life "limiting" issues, but nothing that seemed to be life "threatening" --- or so we thought.  He got a simple infection that led to other issues and before we knew it, he was gone.

I've never lost a parent before, so I am new to this.  I have what I'd call "good" days and "bad" days.  What distinguishes one from the other right now is not whether I cry or not (crying, it seems, happens almost everyday) No, what distinguishes "good" from "bad" is the actual physical pain of grief.  I remember this hurt from when I lost my sister a few years ago.  I was surprised then, as I am now, by how much losing someone you love --- hurts.  I am sure that time will lessen the pain I'm feeling now --- it did with my sister. I know it doesn't go away entirely, it just gets easier to live with. But right now I'm smack dab in the middle of grieving and it hurts --- bad.

Below is a poem I wrote and shared at my father's funeral.  He always told me "Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite," and "See ya' later alligator" at bed time when I was little.  When he moved here this spring, he started saying it to my little chicklets too.  Bedtime will never be the same without it.
i'm not ready to say goodbye.

not so long or see ya later alligator.

i'm not ready for life without you in it.

i always believed that you were indestructible.

that there was nothing you couldn't fix.

until this.

it isn't fair.

a girl needs her daddy.

to hold her hand.

to keep her safe from the boogeyman.

to hug her tight.

i know I shouldn't be selfish.

but I can't help it.

my faith tells me you are in a better place,

but my heart will always want you here with me.

i love you, daddy.

sleep tight ... don't let the bed bugs bite.