Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will...
line from the movie Hope Floats
I am a pretty hopeful person normally. I tend to be a glass half full kinda gal most of the time, but somehow I slipped recently. Life threw me some curve balls I didn't see coming and I forgot to duck. I started losing hope.
I actually thought I was doing a good job putting on a smile for the world. Waiting until I was alone at night to let down my guard and cry out to God in prayer ... why me? why now? Yeah, I know, pity parties for one are no good, but I'm human --- what can I say?
I didn't fool the Geek. He saw my hidden tears and did his best to lift me up. I regrettably gave him a hard time and yet he continued to love me --- broken halo and all.
This past weekend, I met with my writing group for our monthly critique and chat fest. I hadn't been able to go for a while (on account of all those curve balls life had thrown me) and it felt good to get back to it. I haven't done much writing (those pesky curveballs again) so I submitted a recent blog post for their feedback. They are my biggest cheerleaders --- always encouraging me to remember that I am a writer (I still have moments of doubt) and giving me constructive feedback on ways to continue to improve my craft. Upon reading my work, they once again praised my effort. Despite their praise, however, they felt something was missing. They said my writings often reflect my topsy-turvy life in a relatable way and this was another example of it, with one major piece missing --- hope. They said that while I share how life tries it's best to get to me, I never fail to share the hope that things will get better ... because it always does.
Apparently, I didn't fool them either.
Thankfully, my hope has returned. I am slowly getting use to our "new normal" here on the farm --- dealing with my mother's increasing dependence on me with God's grace to lift me when I need it most. God has strengthened my faith and hope that things will indeed get better.
And the icing on the cake? I have been blessed with a regularly scheduled time to write once a week without distraction. Time to finally take a leap of faith and use the gift God has given me in an even bigger way than just this blog. I have done a bit of that (I hope to post about becoming a published author this week), but this time I a hoping to really stretch myself and possibly pen a novel. It's a little scary --- who am I kidding --- it's a lot scary! If you think about it, all beginnings are aren't they? I am not letting fear hold me back any longer. I am trusting God and I vow to do my best to remain hopeful that it will all work out like it should ... because it always does.
In a mood of faith and hope my work goes on. A ream of fresh paper lies on my desk waiting for the next book. I am a writer and I take up my pen to write.
Pearl S. Buck