Saturday, February 18, 2012

Back in the Saddle Again

I'm back ... maybe not a full 100%, but I'm here. My laptop has bitten the dust and unfortunately a new computer for Mama Hen ain't happening anytime soon, but where there's a will there's a way.  The Munchkin's awesome uncle gave her a gently loved PC and she has graciously allowed her mama to use it to get her writing mojo on.  Yay me! 

It's been so long since I last posted I could write a novel!  The Geek has begun a major travel period for work.  He just returned from Erie, PA and heads off to Las Vegas soon.  He'll be in and out quite a bit in the next few months, in fact by the end of May he will have been gone almost 10 weeks total :(  I gotta tell ya' folks  I am not cut out for single parenthood.  The chicklets say I'm doing swell, but I fall to my knees every night asking for the good Lord's grace to give me the strength to make it through one more day (not to mention forgiveness for all the times I blow it throughout the course of  the day.)  I have learned not to look ahead and just make it through one day at a time.  That and I never lose control.Okay, maybe that last one needs a bit lot of work, but it is what it is and this ain't nothing compared to what's lies ahead. Right around the time the Geek wraps up his "work tour" we will be welcoming the new residents here on the farm.  My mama and daddy have sold their home in Florida and will be moving in with us and I have a great big mix of emotions about it.

I'd be a liar if I didn't say there wasn't some apprehension about the whole thing.  It's going to be a big change opening up our home and lives to "outsiders."  My parents have stayed with us every summer for our entire marriage, so we have done this before.  This time is different though.  This time it's permanent.  I can only imagine how this will affect our entire family dynamics.  We aren't saints here on the farm.  Sometimes our attitudes can be downright nasty.  What will it be like when we have "one of those days"?  Maybe it's a good thing.  Maybe this will make us all think a bit more before we take out our "yuckies" on one another. 

I am excited too.  I enjoy my parents company and I love the fact that my chicklets will interact with them on a daily basis.  I mean how cool is that?  I never really knew my grandparents (two were gone before I was born, one died when I was four and the other was never a part of our lives) so I have to admit I am a bit envious of their relationship.  I see everyday as another deposit in their memory banks and it almost makes me giddy.

I'm dealing with a bit of sadness/grief here as well.  The real reason they are coming here is because time has taken its toll and in reality Mama and Daddy can't live on their own anymore.  Daddy is in what appears to be the final stages of his life.  Congestive heart failure is stealing him away from us and there is only so much modern medicine can do before God calls him home.  Mama is unable to get around all that easily anymore and without Daddy would be pretty much helpless.  She wants to be here and settled when he passes and I don't blame her.  Can I just say it hurts to see my parents fading away?

A lot of people have asked me how can I do it?  How can I open up my home to two more people who will be depending on me when I already have my hands for with the three I've got.  To them I say, I will do what I have to do because I believe this is all a part of God's plan.  Truthfully, I am thrilled to be a part of His "show" and I consider it an honor to take care of my parents like they have done for me.  When you become a parent you don't think about all the care and feeding you will now have to do (okay maybe you do a little, but...) you just do it.  You do it because God has given you a blessing like no other and you do it because you are filled with love for that little human being.  Well, I am filled with love beyond measure for my parents.  They haven't been perfect (duh, none of us are... can I get an "amen"?), but they are mine and I wouldn't trade that or this next stage of life serving them for anything in the world.

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action.
Mother Teresa

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