The Good Stuff 2013: Day 5

To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.

Barbara Johnson

Tuesdays are very busy days for us. (Oh, who am I kidding --- every day is busy!)  Today was extra jam-packed with lots of driving.  This evening Boy Wonder and I had to make a 50 Mile each way trip to his weekly robotics club meeting. I love these drives with my man-child. He opens up with me and talks freely about things that are on his mind. Even though most of it is technical and way above my head, I love the fact that he is so willing to talk. I want him to know that he matters to me and what he has to say matters to me because it matters to him. I know that he will be off and on his own in the blink of an eye and that makes our "Tuesday Talks" all the more precious to me. I will treasure the memories forever and I hope he does too.

It seems like only yesterday Boy Wonder wasn't 6 feet tall --- he was just my little sweet peanut.

the good stuff --- spending time with my firstborn

The Good Stuff 2013: Day 4

Grown don't mean a thing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing.

Toni Morrison

I am blessed to have the opportunity to have my mother living with us.  It has its less than perfect moments as  many mother/daughter relationships often do, but I realize the gift it is to be able to give back a portion of what she's done for me.  It's not always easy as I step into more of a "parent" role with her a little more each day, but God gives me strength to meet the challenge. And even though our relationship has changed and I am a grown woman, there are still times I still need my mama. 

Today was one of those days.  I was feeling a bit under the weather.  When I saw my mother this morning, she took one look at me and made me sit in one of her chairs.  She had me recline and covered me with a nice warm blanket.  It felt so good to feel cared for.

the good stuff --- a mother's love no matter how old you are

The Good Stuff 2013: Day 3

Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

Albert Einstein

The Geek and I are in the middle of a massive purge of the mountains of stuff that seem to have overtaken the ol' farmhouse.  The office has been the catch-all place for stuff that didn't have a "home" elsewhere but seemed too good/important/you name it to get rid of quite yet.  We both have come to the same conclusion --- it is now time to reclaim the space and eliminate the chaos in our humble abode. It is not the easiest thing to do --- letting go of stuff does not come naturally to us --- but with each garbage bag taken out and each box filled for the thrift store, we see progress.  It has already begun to feel a little more peaceful.  We have a long way to go, but we have made a start and that is some serious good stuff.

the good stuff ---making room for peacefulness

The Good Stuff 2013: Day 2

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.

Virginia Woolf

In an attempt to give Boy Wonder some valuable life skills and lessen my load a tad, I have been having him be responsible for dinner once a week.  It is his responsibility to plan and prepare the entire meal.  He reads recipes and makes a grocery list for needed items.  Last week he made eggplant parmesan.  It was good, but there was some room for improvement.  Tonite he gave it a second try and the results were delish!  My tummy is blissfully full and I am quite sure his future wife may one day thank me.

the good stuff --- a delicious meal i didn't have to cook myself!

The Good Stuff 2013: Day 1

If you are looking for the bad things in life, then you will find it.  if you search for the good things then that is what you find.

Ann Marie Aguilar

I have been doing this for a few years now --- taking time each day during the month of November to post about something I am grateful for.  It has helped me to make an effort to always try an have an "attitude of gratitude"  not just in November, but all year long.  Some days I miss the mark, but more days than not, I am blessed to be able to spot the "good stuff" --- those bright spots that exist in each and every day if I just take time to look for them.

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to steal away in the middle of the day for a lunch date alone with my husband.  It doesn't happen as often as we might like, but when it does it brings a smile to my soul.

the good stuff --- a date with my sweetie

The Right Kind of Angry

Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

Author Unknown

When I was growing up I was never allowed me to be angry. My mother said it was an emotion that I had to suppress inside.  She insisted that anger was a negative emotion and I must never let others see my anger.   She even went so far as to say I didn't have the right to be angry.  

I would like to think her intentions were good, but sadly I feel she missed the mark a little bit.  Suppressing anger never works.  Oh maybe for a while, but eventually it takes its toll and it ain't pretty.  It took me a long time to realize that sometimes I do have the right to be angry and that anger in and of itself is not a bad thing. 
 
Sometimes anger can be the driving force behind a necessary change.  Take for example the "sea of stuff" taking over the ol' farmstead.  I had to get to the point where having so much chaos surrounding me made me angry --- angry enough to begin to make the changes necessary to bring order to our little corner of the world.
 
Sometimes anger is justified.  Someone wrongs me and I have every right to be angry.  My chicklets are most often the guilty culprits of this in my life.  There are days where I swear they exist merely to break each and every rule that has been set.  They speak disrespectfully to me or each other and it angers me.
 
Sadly, there are times (more often than I care to admit actually) I let anger get the best of me.  I hear myself yelling and saying things that are nothing short of cruel and I cringe.  I do this most with Boy Wonder.  He has  always been a "button pusher" and seems to have gone into overdrive since reaching puberty.  Instead of being the "grown-up" in the situation, I let my anger take over and I say things I am not proud of.

There have been several times in my life that God decides that I need to hear something.  He will put the message in front of me until I finally get it.  I will see a topic in magazine articles or blog posts, I'll hear conversations or someone will mention something and I'll think, "Hmmm, I've been hearing about that  a lot lately --- I  wonder if God is trying to tell me something."  That's exactly what's happened regarding anger for me.  From blog posts to conversations with other mothers, I am sure God is trying to get me to pay attention and listen. 

Anger is not wrong.  It is not something to be ashamed of.  It is not something to deny and stuff down.  There are times when anger is justified.  Anger is not necessarily bad, but it is what you do with that anger that matters.  I know that as a Mama Hen, I need to make a conscious effort to use it to motivate change within myself and/or my littles. 

Change is never easy, but I know God will give me the tools I need to do so.  I am sure that there will be many more blog posts to provide me with direction.  I know for sure the circle of women I meet with weekly will continue to help me grow through accountability and shared stories.   

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.

William Arthur Ward 

 

What Are Your Afraid Of?

Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead.

Jerry Gille

The Geek and I were able to go out to dinner alone the other night for our anniversary.  It was heavenly to just sit there and talk uninterrupted.  We talked about this, that and the other thing.  Seriously, we talked about everything from soup to nuts.  I can't remember what prompted him, but at some point he asked me, "Well, what are you afraid of?" I knew he was asking about a particular thing, but suddenly my mind was racing.  What am I afraid of? Well, where do I begin?

I started to mentally list my fears --- like spiders and lightening and flying and ... and... and...  Before I knew it I had enough items on my list I began to seriously wonder about myself.  I never realized how much of a scaredy cat I was.  The Geek broke my inner turmoil with another question, "What would it take to conquer that fear?" 

Huh, good question.

What would it take?

I never really thought about that.  Take, for example, my fear of spiders.  I mean I have feared spiders my entire life.  I just figured it was something I had to live with.  My fear is not so life limiting --- unless of course there's a big ol' spider between me and somewhere I'd like to be.  But even then, there's usually someone around who I can convince to be my knight in shining armor and slay the ugly beast. 

Unfortunately some of the other fears on my list aren't so innocuous --- like  my fear of going to the doctor.  I suffer from extreme "white coat hypertension" -- my blood pressure goes through the roof when I get it checked at the doctor's office.  I have had it pretty much my whole adult life --- especially since I have put on weight and have the added anxiety of  stepping on the scale and seeing those dreaded numbers come up. It's why I tend to avoid going to the doctor even when I need to.  No question, this has definite life limiting possibilities --- more like life threatening actually --- but what would it take to overcome it? I am not really sure.  I suppose being in better physical shape would curb my fear of the scale and might put me overall more at ease.  Now if I can just get over my fear of going to the gym:)

I have other less "life threatening" fears, that still limit the life I am able to live.  My fear of letting go of things that I feel attached to, particularly getting rid of my "sea of stuff" at home, definitely limits my ability to open my home up to others and share the gift of hospitality.  I have always dreamed of welcoming guests into my farmhouse, but the clutter and chaos always holds me back. 

What would it take to overcome the fear of letting people in?  That is something I am already trying to do --- simplifying my home.  Getting rid of the stuff that doesn't matter to make room for the stuff that does.  It's not something I can do overnight, but the good thing is I am starting to let go.

Then there's the fear that holds me back from writing something besides blog posts.  I have written a few things (I'm even published in two Chicken Soup for the Soul books --- one of them being Inspiration for Writers no less!) but I still let fear cloud my mind. The thought of doing something "more" --- something "bigger" like a novel ---paralyzes me. 

What would it take to overcome my fear that I 'm not a "real" writer?  I am still trying to figure that one out.  I would have thought publication would have been the answer, but I have two pieces published in nationally acclaimed books and I still am filled with fear and doubt.  I love this quote by Lawrence Block:

Once we are aware of our fears, we are almost always capable of being more courageous than we think. Someone once told me that fear and courage are like lightning and thunder; they both start out at the same time, but the fear travels faster and arrives sooner. If we just wait a moment, the requisite courage will be along shortly.

I am not going to let my fear keep me from writing.  I am going to keep plugging away and hope that with time the "requisite courage" will come along, but even if  it doesn't, I won't stop writing.  I write because I like to write.  Writing is a part of who I am and that fact is not dependent on whether I ever write a novel or not.

I am sure if I really looked deeper, I'd find a few more "life limiting" fears lurking around in the abyss that is my mind.  Fears I need to confront and get to know so that I can move ahead and live the life I am meant to.  But for now I'll let them be.  I have enough to tackle for the time being.

What about you?  What are you afraid of?

There are four ways you can handle fear. You can go over it, under it, or around it. But if you are ever to put fear behind you, you must walk straight through it. Once you put fear behind you. Leave it  there.

Donna Favors