I Still Do

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
Friedrich Nietzsche

 

24 years ago I married my best friend.  It's a good thing too 'cuz when my husband gets on my last nerve I can laugh about it with my best friend.  And when I border on being to much of a nag, my best friend can crack a joke and make me realize an attitude adjustment might be in order.  Oh, even best friends fight from time to time, but in the end friendship wins. We often joke that only one of us is getting out of this alive, so we might as well find the humor in it all.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Mignon McLaughlin

 

I always thought it was borderline cheesy to say  things like "I love you more today than yesterday" but I must admit, cheesy or not, there is a lot of truth to it.  Going through 24 years of life's ups and downs with the Geek right by my side has been nothing short of a blessing.  A blessing I am thankful for today and as long as God lets me be.

 

Happy Anniversary Bubbaganoosh!

You're my best!

A List

I am a list maker.  I write grocery lists. To-do lists. Must read lists. Gotta make lists.  I want to go to there lists. If it can be listed, I will and probably have.

I'm not sure what it is about lists that draws me to making them.  I know I  love the feeling of checking off items on lists.  That feeling of accomplishment is a real high for me (so much so that I may or may not occasionally make lists of things I have done just so I can check them off ... sad, I know)  Maybe it's their order and structure that soothes my soul in the chaos that is my life. 

I may be a list maker extraordinaire, but list do-er? Yeah, not so much.  I don't let my tendency to fail in the follow through stop me from making lists. No, my love of lists remains so strong it would only make sense to make one on this day celebrating the anniversary of my entrance into this crazy world (Happy Birthday to Me!)  I recently saw a blog post where someone listed a number of things they wanted to accomplish before their next birthday (my apologies, I can not seem to find the site so I can give credit where credit is due) and thought the idea was right up my alley.

First of all, I will start off with a list of things I want to remember on this auspicious day:

I am exactly where I should be right now.
It's easy for me to look at the number of candles on my cake and sigh.  Not because I am growing older, but in thinking about all I haven't done.  I need to remind myself that life rarely goes according to my plan, but always follows God's plan and I am in the right place for me.

Stop comparing my story to others.
I don't play the "compare game" nearly as much as I used to (thankfully) but I do it often enough that I want to make a gentle reminder to myself to CUT IT OUT!   This is the story God has written for me.  My plotline twists and turns are mine alone.  This story has a happily ever after no matter what.  I just need to keep turning the pages.  I need to trust.  I need to be patient.  And I need to...

Keep up an attitude of gratitude.
I have been doing a pretty good job of this for the past few years, but I slip up every now and then.  It never hurts to give myself a nudge to remember to look for all the blessings in my life.  I am currently reading through One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (I will not attempt to review the book here ... maybe some day. I'll put it on my to-do list ☺ ) and it has further opened my eyes to appreciate the small stuff.  An attitude of gratitude is manna for the weary soul.

You can get there from here.
 I remember seeing a comedy sketch years ago that parodied the directions local people in Maine give to tourists.  After a long list of complicated directions were given, the local declared, "but you can't get there from here" and the tourist sulked away deflated.  Saying my life is complicated would be a gross understatement, but I refuse to sulk.  I propose that with a good list as my road map, I can get "there" from "here" --- or at the very least have a fun time getting lost along the way.

And so now without further ado ---

My 48 by 49 (in no particular order of importance)

1. Visit the art museum --- our local one is in danger of closing so time is of the essence here
2. Go to the zoo --- penguins make me smile
3. Go sledding  --- my kids will love this one
4. Go on a monthly date (12  total) with the Geek --- and no trips to the grocery store do not count
5. Handwrite a card or letter at least once a month --- time to go old school for a change
6. Attend a writing conference --- like a "real" writer
7. Blog at least once a week 
8.  Lose 2 dress sizes  --- I prefer not to focus on the numbers on the scale --- too depressing 
9. Run or walk a 5K  --- walking is more do-able but I'd love to run across a finish line just once
10. Ride bike 50 miles --- not all at once, but over the course of a year seems possible
11. Learn to watercolor paint 
12. See a play --- professional or not --- I'm not picky.
13. Go to a concert --- again not too picky on who is performing
14. Take 1 picture a day for a year --- one blogger I follow takes pictures of her feet.  I've always thought that was kind of interesting, but since I own two pairs of shoes and only white socks that would get boring really fast!
15. Crochet a neck warmer --- perhaps "finish crocheting a neck warmer" would be more accurate:)
16. Knit a scarf --- see above
17. Walk across the Mackinaw Bridge on Labor Day  --- I have an insanely unreasonable fear of bridges so this one would be a real stretch, but who knows?
18. Visit the Keweenaw in Michigan's upper peninsula --- THE most beautiful place on earth
19. Kayak --- I have a huge aversion to getting wet, but I still think this would be a hoot.
20. Learn to use Photoshop --- the Photoshop the Geek bought me three.years.ago.
21. Submit an article to a magazine or newspaper --- time to put myself out there dontcha know. 
22. Write a novel --- already signed up for NaNoWriMo
23. Get a pedicure  --- I did this once and I swore I do it once a month --- that was six months ago.
24. Learn to take photos in manual mode --- it's so sad to own a "Cadillac" camera and use it like a point and shoot
25. Make birthday scrapbooks for all three kids --- time to stop collecting scrapbook paraphernalia and just do it.
26. Get my mothers "life story" written or videoed   --- I always regret not sitting down with my daddy and doing this.
27. Organize my craft area  --- step one:  get a craft area
28. Sew a quilt --- see above
29. Swim in a pool --- this body has not seen a swimming suit in years so this may remain undone
30. Finish kid's bedroom --- no more excuses
31. Sew a purse ---  not sure why,  I just wanna
32. Remodel Trailer --- time to finally put that Pinterest board to use
33. Host a Christmas cookie exchange --- have always wanted to do this and never made the time.
34. Learn to bake bread --- I love the smell of baking bread.
35. Learn to make noodles --- more appropriately "relearn to make noodles" as I took a class once
36. Make ice cream  --- The Geek and I have yet to use an ice cream maker we received as a wedding present --- 24 four years ago!
37. Go to Chicago --- no reason, just sounds cool
38. Go on a train ride --- maybe to Chicago?
39. get a pair of cool boots --- to replace the pair that "died" last year
40. See a comedy show --- I have always wanted to take a stand up comedy class but this would do.
41. Plant a flower garden --- a hundred year old farmhouse just looks sad without a beautiful perennial garden
42. Make the house more of a home--- we've lived here just about sixteen years and we still have packed boxes in the basement!
43. Cook dinner at home more frequently --- my checkbook and my waistline are counting on it.
44. Give up soda --- see above
45. Keep bedroom organized --- it's high past time to make my boudoir the peaceful haven it should be.
46. Manage laundry better --- It ain't pretty folks --- it's me against the dirty clothes  right now and the dirty clothes are winning
47. Go on a plane somewhere  ...  someplace warm in the middle of winter would be nice.
48. Read Bible and devotions regularly ---  this should be No. 1

Stumbling forward

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
Havelock Ellis

I sometimes joke and say that I am one take-out container shy of being on the show "Hoarders".  It's not that bad, but I do have a lot of stuff.  Way too much stuff.  Stuff that is getting in the way of living the life I feel I am meant to live.   The life God wants me to live. 

Now knowing this is one thing, but doing something about it is an entirely different matter all together.  I don't wanna get rid of all of my stuff.  Oh, there is plenty I could part with easily.  Kitchen stuff that I haven't used for years could leave without a moment of angst.  Old clothes could be donated to the local thrift shop with ease.  Outgrown toys might cause a tear or two as I reminisce and think about my littles growing up, but I could get rid of those too.  It wouldn't be easy, but I could do it with a little push.  Unfortunately, those things are just the tip of the iceberg in the sea of stuff I am swimming in.

There are the scrapbooking supplies I have "collected" for years with every intention of making scrapbooks chronicling my littles' lives.  How can I just toss those?  Or the plethora of vintage glassware and dishes I envision using someday at an open house I throw for family and friends?  Never mind I have far more dishes than family and/or friends --- I could have more someday. 

There's also all the things that have come into my home as the result of being the unofficial curators of all family memorabilia and all things too vintage for someone else to throw out.  This list includes the dinette set my parents bought when they got married 68 years ago,  the retro dinette set a cousin passed on to us when cleaning out her parents house, an antique oak table and chairs my mother-in-law no longer had room for in her home, a table made by my great-grandfather that I inherited when my grandfather passed away, a vintage porcelain laundry table the Geek and I bought when we first got married and another cute little porcelain table we bought years ago because it was just too cute to pass up.  Clearly waaaaaaaaay too many tables for one household, yet each one would pain me to give away.

There are many more examples of items with real and/or perceived worth that would be hard to part with.    Holiday decorations, books, and vintage linens are just a few of the collections of things taking up more than their fair share of real estate in the ol' farmhouse.  Every nook and cranny, every flat surface and every bookcase is full to the brim with stuff --- stuff I am reluctant to let go of  for a variety of reasons.

I know something has to give, but I am overwhelmed.  I have tried to tackle the monumental task of bringing peace to my home through simplifying our possessions.  Despite good intentions, however, the enormity of the amount of work that needs to be done ends up getting the best of me.  I am now at the point where I can't even begin to decide where to start. 

Remember that circle of friends that recently embraced me?  That clan I needed even though I may have thought I didn't?  Well, it just so happens that simplifying lives of others is another one of their many  God-given talents.  They have the gift of knowing that the value of life lies not in material things, but rather in memories.  They know personally the freedom of living a simplified life.  They live in homes that are havens.  Homes free from the chaos of too much stuff. 

Some of them have come by their gift of simplification by birth and others have learned it the hard way.  No matter how the ability was gleaned, they are willing to pass on their know-how freely and without judgment.  I am humbled once again by a Heavenly Father who knows my needs and supplies me with answers I didn't even know I was seeking.

“It doesn’t matter where you are, you are nowhere compared to where you can go.”
Bob Proctor

I have so far to go to make my home the haven it should be, but I am taking the first steps.   These awesome ladies are willing to help as little or as much as I need, one even offered to come over and perform "hard labor" if desired.   I am not ready for that yet, but willingly accepted the offer to help me break down the tasks in to manageable "bite-sized" pieces and to hold me accountable for completing those pieces weekly.  No more excuses, just baby steps forward.

Baby steps.  Sometimes it's the best we can do.

“Even if you stumble, you’re still moving forward.”
Author Unknown

Hope Returns

Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up.  And it will...

line from the movie Hope Floats

I am a pretty hopeful person normally.  I tend to be a glass half full kinda gal most of the time, but somehow I slipped recently.  Life threw me some curve balls I didn't see coming and I forgot to duck.  I started losing hope.
 

I actually thought I was doing a good job putting on a smile for the world. Waiting until I was alone at night to let down my guard and cry out to God in prayer ... why me? why now?  Yeah, I know, pity parties for one are no good, but I'm human --- what can I say?

I didn't fool the Geek.  He saw my hidden tears and did his best to lift me up.  I regrettably gave him a hard time and yet he continued to love me --- broken halo and all.

This past weekend, I met with my writing group for our monthly critique and chat fest.  I hadn't been able to go for a while (on account of all those curve balls life had thrown me) and it felt good to get back to it.  I haven't done much writing (those pesky curveballs again) so I submitted a recent blog post for their feedback.  They are my biggest cheerleaders --- always encouraging me to remember that I am a writer (I still have moments of doubt) and giving me constructive feedback on ways to continue to improve my craft.  Upon reading my work, they once again praised my effort.  Despite their praise, however, they felt something was missing.  They said my writings often reflect my topsy-turvy life in a relatable way and this was another example of it, with one major piece missing --- hope.  They said that while I share how life tries it's best to get to me, I never fail to share the hope that things will get better ... because it always does.

Apparently, I didn't fool them either.

 

Thankfully, my hope has returned.  I am slowly getting use to our "new normal" here on the farm  --- dealing with my mother's increasing dependence on me with God's grace to lift me when I need it most.  God has strengthened my faith and hope that things will indeed get better.

And the icing on the cake?  I have been blessed with a regularly scheduled time to write once a week without distraction.  Time to finally take a leap of faith and use the gift God has given me in an even bigger way than just this blog.  I have done a bit of that (I hope to post about becoming a published author this week), but this time I a hoping to really stretch myself and possibly pen a novel.  It's a little scary --- who am I kidding --- it's a lot scary!  If you think about it, all beginnings are aren't they?  I am not letting fear hold me back any longer.  I am trusting God and I vow to do my best to remain hopeful that it will all work out like it should ... because it always does.

In a mood of faith and hope my work goes on. A ream of fresh paper lies on my desk waiting for the next book. I am a writer and I take up my pen to write.

Pearl S. Buck

  

Just a Nibble

Scene:  The Geek's office --- sometime around lunchtime.

Little Prince:  Here Dad, Mama made this for you.

The Geek:  What is it?

Little Prince:  It's your sandwich.  I took a little bite, hope that's ok.

this is the stuff folks :)

God Knows Best

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You, too? I thought I was the only one.”

C.S. Lewis

I am not one who easily makes friends. It's just not in my make up I guess.  I have lots of acquaintances yes, but friends?  People I have risked letting know the "real" me?  Those are few and treasured.

I am not sure why I am so hesitant to take the risk of making friends.  It's the way God wired me, I guess.  If you were to ask me how I feel about that, I would tell you that I am pretty happy with the way things are.  My life is pretty darn full and I really don't have the room or the time for new friendships right now thankyouverymuch.

At least that's what I would have said before this past week.

Apparently, God knows better.  Who'd a-thunk?

Through what can only be described as Divine Intervention, I have been blessed with making the acquaintance of a group of women who have already welcomed me into their "clan" and I am grateful to (dare I say it?) call them friends.

This has not come easily for me.  I have had to step waaaaaay out of my comfort zone.  I have had to put myself out there.  Expose parts of the "real" me to these ladies. I had to take a risk.  I didn't want to, but God knew what I needed even if I didn't.  And because this has His fingerprints all over it, it turned out better than I could have ever planned for myself.

These women are a group of homeschooling moms --- sisters and best friends since childhood.  Their camaraderie and love for one another is enviable.  I had met one of the sisters at church years ago.  We were acquaintances --- exchanging pleasantries on Sunday mornings --- but it never went beyond that.  Recently we connected when both our daughters signed up for a class through the local parks and recreation.

While our littles were in class we passed the time chatting about this and that. We talked about "safe" things like homeschooling and our church.  Soon God was nudging me to open up to her and share things I might not otherwise.  Thankfully I listened.  She opened her heart too and shared a bit of herself as well.  I told her I was envious of the relationship she had with her sisters, especially since I lost one of my sisters and that I am currently going through a difficult time with my other sister.  Long story short, I don't have a strong support system there. 

She then shared something with me that proved that God had a hand in all of this.  She said that she and her sisters realized that what they had was indeed a blessing.  They were grateful for the support system God had given them and they had prayed that He would use them to bless others along the way.  She said through the years mothers had come and gone to their group.  They were there for a season and left when life took them in a different direction.  She felt strongly that the women they had welcomed into their circle were answers to prayers and prayed that in return they were the same to them. 

She then said to me that I need not worry.  I had new sisters now.  Sisters that had my back. Sisters that would walk beside me for as long as I needed them.  No promises of forever.  Just the blessed assurance that right now I am not alone.  I have God and He gave me them. 

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family:

Whatever you call it, whoever you are,

you need one.

Jane Howard

Living the Life

See that pure unadulterated joy on the Munchkins face? I want that! My life has been whizzing by like a crazy fast carnival ride. Sometimes I'm enjoying the ride, but some days I just wanna slow the thing down and jump off.

I cannot believe it is already mid-September. Where did the summer go? It's like one big ol' blur. I had plans ... lots of plans for Summer 2013. While I did manage to pack quite a bit in a few short months, sadly a lot on my to do list is going to remain undone before the first frost. The leaves are already changing and the birds are "congregating" in preparation to fly south before the snow flies.  How can this be?

As I said, my life has been a wild ride lately. I blogged a bit about my recent hospital bedside vigil, but I want to put so much more into writing and share on this blog. I have just been too busy " living" it to be able to find time to "record" it.



inspired entirely by this pin on Pinterest

In some ways it's a good thing. Too often it's easy (especially as a vintage mother) to not really be in the moment. My mind races and thinks about my to-do list and I don't allow myself to totally connect to the here and now. This summer I made a conscious effort to make the time to enjoy this season of life and savor it all even if it means letting some things slide - like writing.  Even though I haven't been actively writing, I have been brainstorming and gleaning inspiration from each and every experience I have gone through in the last few months.

Homeschool lessons have now ramped up (we homeschool pretty much 24/7, but lighten up the "official stuff" during the summer months) and we are spending a bit more time on the ol' homestead.  Temperatures are dipping and I am sure I'll be back to penning tales regularly before I know it.  In fact, just today I  discovered a wonderful library in a nearby town.  It is a much prayed for quiet haven for a weekly date with my laptop. 

Now if you will excuse me, I have a few more butterflies to chase and a gooey s'more that has my name all over it.